As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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