yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
