I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
