To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize