i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
