Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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