my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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