what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Randomize
