White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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