her vagine was all disorganized.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
