If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
