it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
