Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I got inside last night via doggy door
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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