Ambien. No doubt about it.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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