i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
