So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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