Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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