It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
