and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
