I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.ā€¯ \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
