I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
