so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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