I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
