nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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