I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
