what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
