sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
whose parrot is this?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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