she kept yelling 'call me bella'
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
