I feel great
I just peed on a car
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
