good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
two words...techno handjob
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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