So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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