I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize