i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
