You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
