You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
third nipple confirmed
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
