I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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