absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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