Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
