I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I'm both gender and math confused
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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