You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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