I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
