I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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