Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
