My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
