I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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