I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
