Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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