it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
