Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Someone signed my nipple.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
