I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
