btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
