Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
