Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
