wat bout pragnant strippers??
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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