Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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