Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
