real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
