saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
please come you make the beer taste better
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
