her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
