you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
