Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
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