bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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