fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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