And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I'm passing your future prison.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake đź‘Ś
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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