so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
