We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
